Jokes: Christmas Jokes

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Here are some Christmas jokes from Uncle Amon worthy of any Christmas cracker that kids will like and they make great Dad jokes too.

About Uncle Amon

Uncle Amon began his career with a vision.  It was to influence and create a positive change in the world through children’s books by sharing fun and inspiring stories.

Whether it is an important lesson or just creating laughs, Uncle Amon provides insightful stories that are sure to bring a smile to your face! His unique style and creativity stand out from other children’s book authors because he uses real life experiences to tell a tale of imagination and adventure.

Christmas Jokes

Image © of Uncle Amon

What was the monkey’s favourite Christmas song?

Jungle Bells!

Where does the snowman keep his money?

In the snow bank!

Who delivers cat presents?

Santa Paws!

What are Santa’s helpers taught at an early age?

The elf-abet!

What do elf students do?

Gnome work?

Who delivers presents to sharks at Christmas?

Santa Jaws!

What songs to Santa’s gnomes sing to him when he comes home freezing on Christmas night?

Freeze a jolly good fellow!

What do you call a man that claps at Christmas?

Santaplause!

Did you hear about Dracula’s Christmas party?

It was a scream!

What do snowmen do on the weekend?

Chill out!

Which bug does not like Christmas?

A humbug!

Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?

Santa Clues!

What do you get when you cross a famous singer and one of Santa’s helpers?

Elfis Presley!

What do you get if deep fry Santa Claus?

Crisp Cringle!

Why is it so cold at Christmas?

Because it is Decembrrr!

What do snowmen like most about school?

Snow and tell!

Who is never hungry at Christmas?

The Turkey because he’s always stuffed!

What’s Santa called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?

Santa Pause!

Is it true that mummies love Christmas?

Yes! Because of all the wrapping!

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?

He had no body to go with!

What is the snowman’s favourite snack?

Ice crispies!

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Notes And Links

TheDigitalArtist on Pixabay – The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of TheDigitalArtist.  You can find more great work from the creator Pete and lots more free stock photos at Pixabay.

Uncle Amon – Kindle page.  The Christmas Stories image is the copyright of Uncle Amon and his from his book Christmas Stories: Christmas Stories For Kids.  These jokes, and more, are in there too and you can get your copy here.

Audiobooks

Image © of kaboompics via Pixabay

You can’t beat a real book in your hands, it heightens all your senses.  However, listening to an audiobook can be just as pleasurable and has the advantage of being hands-free giving you the chance to do something productive instead whilst you listen or you can simply just relax and listen instead.  As well as that they are a great help to the blind or partially blind too.

You will find free ones below via Blog Posts.

An audiobook (or a talking book) is a recording of a book or other work being read out loud.  A reading of the complete text is described as “unabridged”, while readings of a shorter version are an abridgement.

Spoken audio has been available in schools and public libraries and to a lesser extent in music shops since the 1930s.  Many spoken word albums were made prior to the age of cassettes, compact discs, and downloadable audio, often of poetry and plays rather than books.  It was not until the 1980s that the medium began to attract book retailers, and then book retailers started displaying audiobooks on bookshelves rather than in separate displays.

The Etymology Of Audiobooks

The term “talking book” came into being in the 1930s with government programs designed for blind readers, while the term “audiobook” came into use during the 1970s when audiocassettes began to replace records.  In 1994, the Audio Publishers Association established the term “audiobook” as the industry standard.

The History Of Audiobooks

Spoken word recordings first became possible with the invention of the phonograph by Thomas Edison in 1877.  “Phonographic books” were one of the original applications envisioned by Edison which would “speak to blind people without effort on their part.”  The initial words spoken into the phonograph were Edison’s recital of “Mary Had a Little Lamb”, the first instance of recorded verse.   In 1878, a demonstration at the Royal Institution in Britain included “Hey Diddle Diddle, the Cat and the Fiddle” and a line of Tennyson’s poetry thus establishing from the very beginning of the technology its association with spoken literature.

United States

Beginnings To 1970

Many short, spoken word recordings were sold on cylinders in the late 1800s and early 1900s, however, the round cylinders were limited to about 4 minutes each making books impractical; flat platters increased to 12 minutes but this too was impractical for longer works.  “One early listener complained that he would need a wheelbarrow to carry around talking books recorded on discs with such limited storage capacity.”  By the 1930s close-grooved records increased to 20 minutes making possible a longer narrative.

In 1931, the American Foundation for the Blind (AFB) and Library of Congress Books for the Adult Blind Project established the “Talking Books Program” (Books for the Blind), which was intended to provide reading material for veterans injured during World War I and other visually impaired adults.  The first test recordings in 1932 included a chapter from Helen Keller’s Midstream and Edgar Allan Poe’s “The Raven”.  The organization received congressional approval for exemption from copyright and free postal distribution of talking books.  The first recordings made for the Talking Books Program in 1934 included sections of the Bible; the Declaration of Independence and other patriotic documents; plays and sonnets by Shakespeare; and fiction by Gladys Hasty Carroll, E. M. Delafield, Cora Jarrett, Rudyard Kipling, John Masefield, and P. G. Wodehouse.  To save costs and quickly build inventories of audiobooks, Britain and the United States shared recordings in their catalogues.  By looking at old catalogues, historian Matthew Rubery has “probably” identified the first British-produced audiobook as Agatha Christie’s The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, read by Anthony McDonald in 1934.

Recording for the Blind & Dyslexic (RFBD, later renamed Learning Ally) was founded in 1948 by Anne T. Macdonald, a member of the New York Public Library’s Women’s Auxiliary, in response to an influx of inquiries from soldiers who had lost their sight in combat during World War II.  The newly passed GI Bill of Rights guaranteed a college education to all veterans, but texts were mostly inaccessible to the recently blinded veterans, who did not read Braille and had little access to live readers.  Macdonald mobilized the women of the Auxiliary under the motto “Education is a right, not a privilege”.  Members of the Auxiliary transformed the attic of the New York Public Library into a studio, recording textbooks using then state-of-the-art six-inch vinyl SoundScriber phonograph discs that played approximately 12 minutes of material per side.  In 1952, Macdonald established recording studios in seven additional cities across the United States.

Caedmon Records was a pioneer in the audiobook business, it was the first company dedicated to selling spoken work recordings to the public and has been called the “seed” of the audiobook industry.  Caedmon was formed in New York in 1952 by college graduates Barbara Holdridge and Marianne Roney.  Their first release was a collection of poems by Dylan Thomas as read by the author.  The LP’s B-side contained A Child’s Christmas in Wales which was added as an afterthought – the story was obscure and Thomas himself couldn’t remember its title when asked what to use to fill up the B-side – but this recording went on to become one of his most loved works, and launched Caedmon into a successful company.  The original 1952 recording was a selection for the 2008 United States National Recording Registry, stating it is “credited with launching the audiobook industry in the United States”.  Caedmon used LP records, invented in 1948, which made longer recordings more affordable and practical, however, most of their works were poems, plays and other short works, not unabridged books due to the LP’s limitation of about a 45-minute playing time (combined sides).

Listening Library was also a pioneering company, it was one of the first to distribute children’s audiobooks to schools, libraries and other special markets, including VA hospitals.  It was founded by Anthony Ditlow and his wife in 1955 in their Red Bank, New Jersey home; Ditlow was partially blind.  Another early pioneering company was Spoken Arts founded in 1956 by Arthur Luce Klein and his wife, they produced over 700 recordings and were best known for poetry and drama recordings used in schools and libraries.  Like Caedemon, Listening Library and Spoken Arts benefited from the new technology of LPs but also increased governmental funding for schools and libraries beginning in the 1950s and 60s.

1970 To 1996

Though spoken recordings were popular in 33⅓ vinyl record formats for schools and libraries into the early 1970s, the beginning of the modern retail market for audiobooks can be traced to the wide adoption of cassette tapes during the 1970s.  Cassette tapes were invented in 1962 and a few libraries, such as the Library of Congress, began distributing books on cassette by 1969.  However, during the 1970s, a number of technological innovations allowed the cassette tape wider usage in libraries and also spawned the creation of a new commercial audiobook market.  These innovations included the introduction of small and cheap portable players such as the Walkman, and the widespread use of cassette decks in cars, particularly imported Japanese models which flooded the market during the multiple energy crises of the decade.

In the early 1970s, instructional recordings were among the first commercial products sold on cassettes.  There were 8 companies distributing materials on cassette with titles such as Managing and Selling Companies (12 cassettes, $300) and Executive Seminar in Sound on a series of 60-minute cassettes.  In libraries, most books on cassette were still made for the blind and handicapped, however, some new companies saw the opportunity for making audiobooks for a wider audience, such as Voice Over Books which produced abridged best-sellers with professional actors.  Early pioneers included Olympic gold medalist Duvall Hecht who in 1975 founded the California-based Books on Tape as a direct to consumer mail-order rental service for unabridged audiobooks and expanded their services selling their products to libraries and audiobooks gaining popularity with commuters and travellers.  In 1978, Henry Trentman, a travelling salesman who listened to sales tapes while driving long distances, had the idea to create quality unabridged recordings of classic literature read by professional actors.  His company, the Maryland-based Recorded Books, followed the model of Books on Tape but with higher quality studio recordings and actors.  Recorded Books and Chivers Audio Books were the first to develop integrated production teams and to work with professional actors.

By 1984, there were eleven audiobook publishing companies, they included Caedmon, Metacom, Newman Communications, Recorded Books, Brilliance and Books on Tape.  The companies were small, the largest had a catalogue of 200 titles.  Some abridged titles were being sold in bookstores, such as Walden Books, but had negligible sales figures, many were sold by mail-order subscription or through libraries.  However, in 1984, Brilliance Audio invented a technique for recording twice as much on the same cassette thus allowing for affordable unabridged editions.  The technique involved recording on each of the two channels of each stereo track.  This opened the market to new opportunities and by September 1985, Publishers Weekly identified twenty-one audiobook publishers.  These included new major publishers such as Harper and Row, Random House, and Warner Communications.

1986 has been identified as the turning point in the industry when it matured from an experimental curiosity.  A number of events happened: the Audio Publishers Association, a professional non-profit trade association, was established by publishers who joined together to promote awareness of spoken-word audio and provide industry statistic.  Time-Life began offering members audiobooks.  The book-of-the-Month club began offering audiobooks to its members, as did the Literary Guild.  Other clubs such as the History Book Club, Get Rich Club, Nostalgia Book Club, a Scholastic club for children all began offering audiobooks.  Publishers began releasing religious and inspirational titles in Christian bookstores. By May 1987, Publishers Weekly initiated a regular column to cover the industry.  By the end of 1987, the audiobook market was estimated to be a $200 million market, and audiobooks on cassette were being sold in 75% of regional and independent bookstores surveyed by Publishers Weekly.  By August 1988 there were forty audiobook publishers, about four times as many as in 1984.

By the middle of the 1990s, the audio publishing business grew to 1.5 billion dollars a year in retail value.  In 1996, the Audio Publishers Association established the Audie Awards for audiobooks, which is equivalent to the Oscar for the audiobook industry.  The nominees are announced each year by February.  The winners are announced at a gala banquet in May, usually in conjunction with BookExpo America.

1996 To Present

With the spread of the Internet to consumers in the 1990s, faster download speeds with broadband technologies, new compressed audio formats and portable media players, the popularity of audiobooks increased significantly during the late 1990s and 2000s.  In 1997, Audible pioneered the world’s first mass-market digital media player, named “The Audible Player”, it retailed for $200, held 2 hours of audio and was touted as being “smaller and lighter than a Walkman”, the popular cassette player used at the time.  Digital audiobooks were a significant new milestone as they allowed listeners freedom from physical media such as cassettes and CD-ROMs which required transportation through the mail, allowing instead instant download access from online libraries of unlimited size, and portability using comparatively small and lightweight devices.  Audible.com was the first to establish a website, in 1998, from which digital audiobooks could be purchased.

Another innovation was the creation of LibriVox in 2005 by Montreal-based writer Hugh McGuire who posed the question on his blog: “Can the net harness a bunch of volunteers to help bring books in the public domain to life through podcasting?”  Thus began the creation of public domain audiobooks by volunteer narrators. By the end of 2017, LibriVox had a catalogue of over 12,000 works and was producing about 1,000 per year.

The transition from vinyl to cassette, to CD, to MP3CD, to digital download has been documented by Audio Publishers Association in annual surveys (the earlier transition from record to cassette is described in the section on the 1970s).  The final year that cassettes represented greater than 50% of total market sales was 2002.  Cassettes were replaced by CDs as the dominant medium during 2003-2004.  CDs reached a peak of 78% of sales in 2008, then began to decline in favour of digital downloads.  The 2012 survey found CDs accounted for “nearly half” of all sales meaning it was no longer the dominant medium (APA did not report the digital download figures for 2012, but in 2011 CDs accounted for 53% and digital download was 41%).  The APA estimates that audiobook sales in 2015 in digital format increased by 34% over 2014.

The resurgence of audio storytelling is widely attributed to advances in mobile technologies such as smartphones, tablets, and multimedia entertainment systems in cars, also known as connected car platforms.  Audio drama recordings are also now podcast over the internet.

In 2014, Bob & Debra Deyan of Deyan Audio opened the Deyan Institute of Vocal Artistry and Technology, the world’s first campus and school for teaching the art and technology of audiobook production.

In 2018, approximately 50,000 audiobooks were recorded in the United States with a sales growth of 20 percent year over year.  U.S. audiobook sales in 2019 totalled 1.2 billion dollars, up 16% from the previous year.  In addition to the sales increase, Edison Research’s national survey of American audiobook listeners ages 18 and up found that the average number of audiobooks listened to per year increased to 8.1 in 2020, up from 6.8 in 2019.

Germany

The evolution and use of audiobooks in Germany closely parallel that of the US.  A special example of its use is the West German Audio Book Library for the Blind, founded in 1955.  Actors from the municipal theatre in Münster recorded the first audiobooks for the visually impaired in an improvised studio lined with egg cartons.  Because trams rattled past, these first productions took place at night.  Later, texts were recorded by trained speakers in professional studios and distributed to users by mail.  Until the 1970s recordings were on tape reels, then later cassettes.  Since 2004, the offerings have been recorded in the DAISY Digital Talking Book MP3 standard, which provides additional features for visually impaired users to both listen and navigate written material aurally.

India

Audiobooks in India started to appear somewhat later than in the rest of the world.  Only by 2010 did Audiobooks gain mainstream popularity in the Indian market.  This is primarily due to the lack of previous organized efforts on the part of publishers and authors.  The marketing efforts and availability of Audiobooks has made India one of the fastest-growing Audiobooks markets in the world.

The lifestyle of the urban Indian population and one of the highest daily commute times in the world has also helped in making Audiobooks popular in the region.  Business and Self Help books have widespread appeal and have been more popular than fiction/non-fiction.  This is because Audiobooks are primarily seen as an avenue for self-improvement and education, rather than entertainment.

Audiobooks are being released in various Indian languages. In Malayalam, the first audio novel, titled Ouija Board, was released by Kathacafe in 2018.  Now Indian companies are working towards Audio Books generation in the Indian Vernacular Languages.  Listen Stories By Sahitya Chintan is an Android audiobook library allowing listing 1000+ Hindi Audio Books.  They are offering ample audiobooks freely.  To access the entire catalogue they are charging nominal membership of Rs. 199/ Year for Indian audiobook listeners and $5.99/Year for the Rest of the World.

Read more about Audiobooks here.

The above articles were sourced from Wikipedia and are subject to change.

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kaboompics on Pixabay – The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of kaboompics.  You can find more great work from the photographer Karolina and lots more free stock photo’s at Pixabay

E-Books: Free Horror E-Books

Image © of BruceEmmerling via Pixabay

In the Index below is a selection of FREE Horror E-Books for your reading pleasure.

They come in PDF format and if you don’t have a PDF reader you can download one from here.  To get Epub and Kindle format versions become a member of Free-ebooks.net by clicking the link below.

Free Horror E-Books Index

Dracula by Bram Stoker.  Count Dracula is a vampire who terrifies the countryside in his quest for human blood, but the residents soon learn his real identity and vow to destroy him.

The Phantom Of The Opera by Gaston Leroux.  A disfigured musical genius haunts the catacombs under the Paris Opera and terrifies the community until he falls in love with Christine, a budding young singer. 

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BruceEmmerling on Pixabay – The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of BruceEmmerling.  You can find more great work from the photographer Bruce and lots more free stock photo’s at Pixabay.

Free-eBooks.net – Official website.  Free-eBooks.net is the internet’s number one source for free e-book downloads, e-book resources & e-book authors.  Read and download e-books for FREE – anytime. 

Use the link above to sign up and enjoy five free e-books each and every month with a Standard Account or upgrade to V.I.P. status for unlimited e-book and audiobook downloads.  

Jokes: More Adult Jokes (Part Two)

Image © of VHV.RS

Adult jokes are just that, aimed at adults and I take no credit for any on this page.  Their original source or words belong to whoever and started wherever.  I tell them my way.  If they make you smile or chuckle like they originally did to me then that is great.  If not then I hope you find your sense of humour one day.

As defined by Collins Online Dictionary: “An adult is a mature, fully developed person.  An adult has reached the age when they are legally responsible for their actions”.  Generally, that means 18 and over but if you are under 18 or easily offended then you are on the wrong page.

Prostitute Parrots 

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem.  I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing!”

“What do they say?” the priest inquired.

They only know how to say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes.  Do you want to have some fun?”

“That’s terrible!” the priest exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem.  Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and speak passages from the bible.  My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship like them.”

“Thank you, Father!”  the woman responded.  The next day she brought her female parrots to the priest’s house.   His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.  The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots.  Immediately, the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re prostitutes.  Do you want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and exclaims, ” Put your beads away.  Our prayers have been answered!”

Poor Pussy Cat

Little Nancy was in her back garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence.

“What are you up to there Nancy? she said.

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, ” and I’ve just buried him.”

The neighbour was concerned, ” That is an awfully big hole for a goldfish isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, “That’s because he’s inside your fucking cat!”

Sex Education

Johnny, a 9-year-old boy, came home from school one day and his mom asks him what the lesson was that day.  “Sex” he replies.

“I didn’t study that subject until I  was in secondary school,” said his mom.  “For lying to me you can go up to your room and stay there!”

His older sister gets back from school shortly after that time and her mom tells her what happened.  “Johhny wasn’t lying” she said, ” When I was 9 years old we had a sex education lesson.  Things have changed since you were at school mom.”

Feeling guilty the mom says ” I better go and apologise to Johhny.”

She goes up to his room and through the partially closed door she sees Johnny wanking.   “When you are through with your homework son you can come down for your supper,” She tells him.

Oh Dear

Two couples were playing cards one day.  Bob accidentally dropped some cards on the floor.  When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Larry’s wife wasn’t wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, Bob hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.   

Later, Bob went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.  Larry’s wife followed him in and asked, “Did you see anything that you liked under the table?” Bob admitted that, well, yes, he did.  She replied, “You can fuck it, but it will cost you £100.”  After a minute or two of thinking hard, Bob indicates that he is interested.  She tells him that since Larry works Friday afternoons and Bob doesn’t, Bob should come to her house around 2:00 pm the next Friday. 

Friday came and Bob went to her house at 2:00 pm, as arranged.  After paying her £100 they went into her bedroom, had sex and then Bob left.

Larry came home about 6:00 pm.  He asked his wife, “Did Bob come by this afternoon?” Reluctantly, she replied, “Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes.”

Next Larry asked, “Did he give you £100?”

She thinks, “Oh shit, he knows!” 

“Good,” Larry says.  “Bob came by the office this morning and borrowed £100 from me.  He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.”

Hand Job

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the  bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: £1.50
Chicken Sandwich: £2.50
Hand Job: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager looking group of men.  “Yes?” she enquires with a knowingly smile, “can I help you?

“I was wondering,” whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand jobs?”

“Yeah Baby,” she purrs, “I am.” 

The man replies, “Well wash your fucking hands, I want a cheese sandwich!” 

Holy Water

A train hits a busload of nuns and they all perish.  They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.  He asks the first nun, “Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

The nun giggles and slyly replies, ” Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”

St. Peter says, “OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water there and then you can pass through the gate.  He then asks the next nun the same question, “Sister Elizabeth, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”

The nun is a little reluctant but replies, “Well once I fondled and stroked one. 

St. Peter says, “OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water there and then you can pass through the gate.

All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line.  One nun is pushing her way to the front of the line.  When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, “Sister, Sister, what seems to be the rush?

The nun replies, “If I am going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Bernadette sticks her ass in it!”

More Hose

A fireman comes home from work one day and tells his wife, “You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station.  Bell one rings and we all put on our jackets.  Bell two rings and we slide down the pole.  Bell three rings and we’re ready to go on the engines.”

“That’s great love,” says his missus. 

“From now on,” he continues, “we are going to run this house the same way.  When I say Bell one I want you to strip naked.  When I say Bell two I want you to jump into bed.  When I say Bell three we are going to fuck all night!”

So the next night the fireman comes home from work and yells “BELL ONE!” and his wife takes off all her clothes.  “BELL TWO!” he shouts and she jumps into bed.  “BELL THREE!” he barks and they begin to have sex but after just a couple of minutes his wife yells “BELL FOUR!”

“What is the need for Bell four?” her husband asks.

“More hose” she replies “You’re nowhere near the fire!”

Ouch

A Christmas meal at an expensive restaurant is disturbed when a woman starts screaming, “My Son is choking” she cries, “He’s swallowed the coin in the Christmas pudding.  Please, can anyone help him?”

Without speaking a man stands up at the nearby table and walks over nonchalantly.  Smiling pleasantly he grips the boy by his balls and squeezes them.  The boy coughs and out pops the coin.

“Thank you so much” beams the relieved mom, “are you a paramedic?”

“No” replied the man, “I work for the Inland Revenue!”

Dumb Blonde

A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the professional tutor asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she would do.  The blonde did so and completely fucked up her shot. 

The pro said, “Your swing is good but you are gripping the club too hard.  Grip the club gently as you would your husband’s cock.”

The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards, straight down the fairway.

The pro said, “That was excellent! Let’s try again, only this time take the club out of your mouth!”

The American Soldier

There was once an American soldier, returning from war, on a train that was very over crowded.  He walked down the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.  The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a posh, well dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.  The weary soldier asked, “Please ma’am, may I sit in that seat?”

The woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, ” You American’s! You are such a rude class of people.  Can’t you see my little Fifi is using that seat?” 

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the posh woman.  Again he asked, “Please, lady.  May I sit there? I’m very tired.”

The snobby wrinkled her nose and snorted, “You Americans! Not only are you rude, but you are also arrogant.  Imagine!”

The soldier didn’t say another word.  He leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out of the train window and sat down in the empty seat.

The woman shrieked and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, “You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You are bad at holding the fork in the wrong hand.  You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road, and now, sir, you have thrown the wrong bloody bitch out of the window!”

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Jokes: More Adult Jokes (Part One)

Image © of VHV.RS

Adult jokes are just that, aimed at adults and I take no credit for any on this page.  Their original source or words belong to whoever and started wherever.  I tell them my way.  If they make you smile or chuckle like they originally did to me then that is great.  If not then I hope you find your sense of humour one day.

As defined by Collins Online Dictionary: “An adult is a mature, fully developed person.  An adult has reached the age when they are legally responsible for their actions”.  Generally, that means 18 and over but if you are under 18 or easily offended then you are on the wrong page.

Old Friend

An old man is lying in bed one day and looks down at his dick, “We have been through a lot together old friend” He sighs, “We were born together, we played together, we got married together, we had kids together but why did you have to go and die before me?!

No Onions

A woman goes to a farmers market. She comes upon a fruit and vegetable stand.  She asks the man at the stand, “Do you have any onions?”

The man replies, “No.” The woman continues her shopping at the farmers market and comes back to his stand ten minutes later. “Do you have any onions?” she asks.

 “No!” the man said.  She leaves the stand and continues her shopping.  She comes back ten minutes later and asks the man “Do you have any onions?”

The man says, “NO! Listen, how do you spell the ‘Straw’ in

Strawberry?”

The lady says, “S-t-r-a-w”.

The man asks, “How do you spell the ‘Rasp’ in raspberry?”

The lady replies, “R-a-s-p”.

The man asks, “How do you spell the ‘Fuck’ in onions?”

The lady replies, “There is no ‘Fuck’ in onions”

The man says, “THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!”

Sex Education

Johnny, a 9-year-old boy, came home from school one day and his mom asks him what the lesson was that day.  “Sex” he replies.

“I didn’t study that subject until I  was in secondary school,” said his mom.  “For lying to me you can go up to your room and stay there!”

His older sister gets back from school shortly after that time and her mom tells her what happened.  “Johhny wasn’t lying” she said, ” When I was 9 years old we had a sex education lesson.  Things have changed since you were at school mom.”

Feeling guilty the mom says ” I better go and apologise to Johhny.”

She goes up to his room and through the partially closed door she sees Johnny wanking.   “When you are through with your homework son you can come down for your supper,” She tells him.

The Heimlich Manouvere 

Two blokes were seated at the end of a bar when a young lady seated a few stools away began to choke on some peanuts.  She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory distress.  One said to the other, “That bird over there is having a bad time!” The other agreed and said, ” Do you think we should go and help her?”

“You bet,” said his mate, and with that, he ran over and said, ” Can you breathe?” She shook her head no.  He said, ” Can you speak?” She again shook her head no.  With that, he pulled up her shirt and licked her on her arse.  She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe.  With relief, the good samaritan goes back to his friend and says, ” It is funny how that hind lick manoeuvre always works!”

The Drunk

This guy is sitting in a bar drunk, he asks the barman where’s the toilet at? The barman told him to go down the hall and make a right.  Well all of a sudden, everybody at the bar hears this loud scream and wonders what is going on in the toilet? A few minutes go by again and everybody at the bar hears another loud scream that came out of the toilet again.  This time the barman goes to the toilet to investigate what the drunk is screaming about.  He opened the door and asked the drunk, ” What’s all the screaming about in here? You are scaring all my customers away.”

The drunk said, ” I’m sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.”  With that, the barman opens up the door and looks in and says, “No wonder, you’re sitting on my mop bucket!”

Swearing

A seven-year-old boy and his four-year-old brother were upstairs in their bedroom,  “You know what?” said the seven-year-old, ” I think it’s about time we start swearing.”  The four-year-old nodded his head in approval.  “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m going to say shit, and you say arse, OK?” The four-year-old agreed with enthusiasm and they both went downstairs to the kitchen.  Their mom walked in and asked the seven-year-old what he wanted for breakfast.  “Oh shit mom, I guess I’ll have some cornflakes.” WHACK! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

The mom then looked at the four-year-old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do you want for breakfast young man?”

“I don’t know,” He blubbered, “but you can bet your arse it won’t be those fucking cornflakes!”

A Glass Of Cider

A little girl came running into her house bawling her eyes out and cradling her hand.  “Mommy, quick! Get me a glass of cider!” she wailed.

“Why do you want a glass of cider?” asked her mom.

“I cut my hand on a thorn, and I want the pain to go away! said the little girl.  Confused, but weary of her child’s whining, the mom obliged and poured her a glass of cider.  The little girl immediately dunked her hand in it.  “Ouch! It still hurts! This cider doesn’t work!” she whined.

“What are you talking about?” asked her increasingly perplexed parent. “Why did you ask for a glass of cider then?

The little girl replied, “Well, I overheard my big sister say that whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can’t wait to get it in cider!”

Bank Policy

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the lady at the window, “I want to open a fucking account.”  To which the astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you.  What did you say?”

Listen up, shit head.  I said I want to open a pissing account right now!”

“I’m very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.” So without saying anything else the lady leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about the situation.  They both return and the manager asks the old man, “What seems to be the problem here, sir?”

There is no bastard problem, you wanker!” the man replies, “I have just won 50 million pounds in the fucking lottery and I want to open a fucking account in this fucking bank!”

“I see,” says the manager excitedly, “and this fucking bitch here is giving you a hard time?”

Bullets

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street one day when a masked robber runs out of the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.  Luckily her babies were OK.  The surgeon seeing to her decides to leave the bullets in her because it is too risky to operate.  All is fine for the next 16 years and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.  “What’s wrong?” asks her mom.

“I was having a wee and this bullet came out!” replied her daughter.  Her mom tells it’s OK and explains what happened 16 years ago.  About a week later the second daughter walks into the room in tears.  “Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out!”  Again the mom tells her not to worry about it and explained what happened 16 years ago.  A week later the only boy of the family walks into the room in tears.  “It’s OK,” said his mom, “I know what happened, you were having a wee and the bullet came out, yes?”

“NO!” shouted the boy, ” I was wanking off and I shot the dog!”

Tarzan Nookie

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle.  She was very attracted to him during her questions to him about his life she asked him how he managed for sex.  “What is sex? he asked.   Jane explained to him what sex was and he said, ” Me use hole in tree trunk.”  Horrified, she replied, “Tarzan you have it all wrong but I will show you how to do it properly.”  She took off all her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide open for him.  “Here,” she told him, “You must put it in here.  Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in her fanny.  Jane rolled around in agony.  Eventually, she managed to gasp, “What the hell did you do that for?” To which Tarzan replied, “Me checking for bees!”

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Notes And Links

GDJ on Pixabay – The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of GDJ.  You can find more great work from the artist Gordon and lots more free stock photo’s at Pixabay.

Blue Peter: An Advent Crown For Christmas

Image © BBC / Octopus Publishing Group

Blue Peter, the world’s longest-running children’s television programme, is known for its famous ‘makes’ – creative projects which transform everyday household objects into toys and gifts. 

The make featured on this page is taken from “Here’s One I Made Earlier”, a book I got from The Works at a bargain price of 75p!

The collection in this book reproduces some of Blue Peter’s most memorable designs and has a foreword by Valerie Singleton and contributions from former presenters and the ‘Queen of Makes’, Margaret Parnell.

An Advent Crown For Christmas

Blue Peter - Here's One I Made Earlier Front Cover: Image © BBC / Octopus Publishing Group
An Advent Crown for Christmas: Image © BBC / Octopus Publishing Group
An Advent Crown for Christmas: Image © BBC / Octopus Publishing Group
Blue Peter - Here's One I Made Earlier Back Cover: Image © BBC / Octopus Publishing Group

About Blue Peter

You can read all about Blue Peter here.

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Notes And Links

Blue Peter – Official page on CBBC

You can read about Valerie Singelton here.

You can read about John Noakes here.

The images on this page are copyright of the BBC and Octopus Publishing Group.

Television: Blue Peter

Image © of Max Rahubovskiy via Pexels

Although started in 1958, I associate Blue Peter in my life mainly to the 1970’s and 1980’s for it is in these decades I watched it the most.  I wouldn’t say I was a fan of the show, I preferred Magpie more,  but I watched it sometimes as a school kid back in the day when the mood took me.

When Jnr and Deb were kids I may have watched a few then but it was more on in the background and I never paid much attention to it as the nostalgia for it had gone for me by then.

Image © of BBC via CBBC

Blue Peter Logo.

About Blue Peter

Blue Peter is a British children’s television magazine programme created by John Hunter Blair.  It is the longest-running children’s TV show in the world, having been broadcast since October 1958.  It was broadcast primarily from BBC Television Centre in London until September 2011, when the programme moved to dock10 studios at MediaCityUK in Salford, Greater Manchester.  It is currently shown live on the CBBC television channel on Thursdays at 5 pm.

Following its original creation, the programme was developed by a BBC team led by Biddy Baxter; she became the programme editor in 1965, relinquishing the role in 1988.  Throughout the show’s history, there have been 40 presenters; currently, it is hosted by Richie Driss, Mwaksy Mudenda, and Adam Beales.

The show used a nautical title and theme.  Its content, which follows a magazine/entertainment format, features viewer and presenter challenges, competitions, celebrity interviews, popular culture and sections on making arts and crafts items from household items.  The show has had a garden in both London and Salford, known as the Blue Peter Garden, which is used during the summer and for outdoor activities.  The programme has featured a number of pets that became household names, such as dogs Petra, Shep, and Goldie, as well as other animals such as tortoises, cats, and parrots.  The longevity of Blue Peter has established it as a significant part of British culture and British heritage.

Blue Peter Theme Music

Click here to hear every Blue Peter opening theme from 1958 to the present day.

Blue Peter Content

Blue Peter‘s content is wide-ranging.  Most programmes are broadcast live but usually include at least one filmed report.  There will also often be a demonstration of an activity in the studio, or a music or dance performance.  Between the 1960s and 2011 the programme was made at BBC Television Centre, and often came from Studio 1, the fourth-largest TV studio in Britain and one of the largest in Europe.  This enabled Blue Peter to include large-scale demonstrations and performances within the live programme.  From the September 2007 series, the programme was broadcast from a small fixed set in Studio 2.  However, from 2009 the series began to use the larger studios once more; also more programmes were broadcast in their entirety from the Blue Peter Garden.  The show is also famous for its “makes”, which are demonstrations of how to construct a useful object or prepare food.  These have given rise to the oft-used phrase “Here’s one I made earlier”, as presenters bring out a perfect and completed version of the object they are making – a phrase credited to Christopher Trace, though Marguerite Patten is another possibility.  Trace also used the line “And now for something completely different”, which was later taken up by Monty Python.  Time is also often given over to reading letters and showing pictures sent in by viewers.

Over 5,000 editions have been produced since 1958, and almost every episode from 1964 onwards still exists in the BBC archives.  This is unusual for programmes of that era.  Editor Biddy Baxter personally ensured that telerecordings and, from 1970, video recordings were kept of each episode.

Many items from Blue Peter‘s history have become embedded in British popular culture, especially moments when things have gone wrong, such as the much-repeated clip of Lulu the baby elephant (from a 1969 edition) who urinated and defecated on the studio floor, appeared to tread on the foot of presenter John Noakes and then proceeded to attempt an exit, dragging her keeper along behind her.  Although it is often assumed to have been broadcast live, the edition featuring Lulu was one of the rare occasions when the programme was pre-recorded, as the presenters were en route to Ceylon for the summer expedition at the time of transmission.  Other well-remembered and much-repeated items from this era include the Girl Guides’ campfire that got out of hand on the 1970 Christmas edition, John Noakes’s report on the cleaning of Nelson’s Column, and Simon Groom referring to a previous item on the production of a facsimile door knocker for Durham Cathedral which was displayed alongside the original, with the words ‘what a beautiful pair of knockers’.

Blue Peter History

Early Years

Blue Peter was first aired on 16 October 1958.  It had been commissioned to producer John Hunter Blair by Owen Reed, the head of children’s programmes at the BBC, as there were no programmes for children aged between five and eight.  Reed got his inspiration after watching Children’s Television Club, the brainchild of former radio producer, Trevor Hill, who created the latter show as a successor to his programme Out of School, broadcast on BBC Radio’s Children’s Hour; Hill networked the programme from BBC Manchester and launched it aboard the MV Royal Iris ferry on the River Mersey, Liverpool with presenter Judith Chalmers welcoming everyone aboard at the bottom of the gangplank.

It was subsequently televised about once a month.  Hill relates how Reed came to stay with him and his wife, Margaret Potter, in Cheshire and was so taken with the “Blue Peter” flag on the side of the ship and the programme in general, that he asked to rename it and take it to London to be broadcast on a weekly basis (see Reed’s obituary).  The “Blue Peter” is used as a maritime signal, indicating that the vessel flying it is about to leave, and Reed chose the name to represent ‘a voyage of adventure’ on which the programme would set out.  Hunter Blair also pointed out that blue was a popular colour with children, and Peter was a common name of a typical child’s friend.

The first two presenters were Christopher Trace, an actor, and Leila Williams, winner of Miss Great Britain in 1957.  The two presenters were responsible for activities that matched the traditional gender roles.  As broadcasting historian, Asa Briggs expressed it in 1995: “Leila played with dolls; Chris played with trains”.  They were supported on occasion by Tony Hart, an artist who later designed the ship logo, who told stories about an elephant called Packi (or Packie).  It was broadcast every Thursday for fifteen minutes (17.00–17.15) on BBC TV (which later became BBC One).  Over the first few months, more features were added, including competitions, documentaries, cartoons, and stories.  Early programmes were almost entirely studio-based, with very few filmed inserts being made.

1960 – 1969

From Monday 10 October 1960, Blue Peter was switched to every Monday and extended from 15 minutes to 20 minutes (17.00–17.20).  In 1961, Hunter Blair became ill and was often absent.  After he produced his last edition on 12 June 1961, a series of temporary producers took up the post.  Hunter Blair was replaced the following September by Clive Parkhurst.  He did not get along with Leila Williams, who recalled “he could not find anything for me to do”, and in October, Williams did not appear for six editions, and was eventually fired, leaving Christopher Trace on his own or with one-off presenters.  Parkhurst was replaced by John Furness, and Anita West joined Trace on 7 May 1962.  She featured in just 16 editions, making her the shortest-serving presenter, and was replaced by Valerie Singleton, who presented regularly until 1972 and on special assignments until 1981.  Following the departure of Furness, a new producer who was committed to Blue Peter was required, so Biddy Baxter was appointed.  At the time she was contracted to schools’ programmes on the radio, and therefore unable to take up her new post immediately.

It was suggested that Edward Barnes, a production assistant, would temporarily produce the show until Baxter arrived, at which point he would become her assistant.  This suggestion was turned down, and a more experienced producer, Leonard Chase, was appointed, with Barnes as his assistant.  Baxter eventually joined Blue Peter at the end of October 1962.

During this period, many iconic features of Blue Peter were introduced.  The first appeal took place in December 1962, replacing the practice of reviewing toys that children would ask for themselves.  Blue Peters first pet, a brown and white mongrel dog named Petra, was introduced on 17 December 1962.  The puppy soon died of distemper, and having decided against upsetting young viewers over the news, Barnes and Baxter had to search London pet shops for a convincing clandestine replacement.  Features such as “makes” (normally involving creating something such as an advent crown, out of household junk) and cooking became regular instalments on Blue Peter and continue to be used today.  The Blue Peter badge was introduced in 1963, along with the programme’s new logo designed by Tony Hart.  Baxter introduced a system that ensured replies sent to viewers’ letters were personal; as a girl, she had written to Enid Blyton and twice received a standard reply, which had upset her.

The next year, from 28 September 1964, Blue Peter began to be broadcast twice weekly, with Baxter becoming the editor in 1965, and Barnes and Rosemary Gill (an assistant producer who had joined as a temporary producer while Baxter was doing jury service) becoming the programme’s producers.  The first Blue Peter book, an annual in all but name, was published that year, and one was produced nearly every year after that, until 2010.  A third presenter, John Noakes, was introduced at the end of 1965 and became the longest-serving presenter.  A complete contrast to Trace, Noakes set the scene for “daredevil” presenters that have continued through the generations of presenters.  Trace left Blue Peter in July 1967, and was replaced by Peter Purves in November.  The trio of Valerie Singleton, John Noakes and Peter Purves lasted five years, and according to Richard Marson were ‘the most famous presenting team in the show’s history.  In 1965, the first Summer Expedition (a filming trip abroad) was held in Norway, and continued every year (except 1986 and 2011) until 2012, all over the world.

1970 – 1999

The first colour edition of Blue Peter aired on 14 September 1970, and the last black and white edition on 24 June 1974.  A regular feature of the 1970s was the Special Assignments, which were essentially reports on interesting topics, filmed on location.  Singleton took this role, and in effect became the programme’s “roving reporter”.   Blue Peter also offered breaking news on occasion, such as the 1971 eruption of Mount Etna, as well as unique items such as the first appearance of Uri Geller on British television.  In May 1976, presenter Lesley Judd interviewed Otto Frank, father of Anne Frank, after he had agreed to bring his daughter’s diaries to Britain.  From 1971 the summer expedition from the previous year was edited into special programmes broadcast under the title Blue Peter Flies The World, televised during the summer break when the team were recording the latest expedition.  The first was shown in July 1971 and featured the expedition to Jamaica.

In 1974, the Blue Peter Garden was officially opened in a green space outside the Television Centre restaurant block.  By this time, Blue Peter had become an established children’s programme, with regular features which have since become traditions.  In 1978, the show celebrated its twentieth anniversary with a nationwide balloon launch from five regional cities during a special edition of the programme when Christopher Trace, Leila Williams, Valerie Singleton and Peter Purves returned.  John Noakes contributed a message pre-recorded on film.  At this time, Trace introduced the Blue Peter Outstanding Endeavour Award.   Its theme music was updated by Mike Oldfield in 1979, and at the end of the decade a new presenting team was brought in, consisting of Simon Groom, Tina Heath and Christopher Wenner. They were overshadowed by the success of the previous two decades and failed to make as much of an impact.  Heath decided to leave after a year when she discovered she was pregnant but agreed to have a live scan of her baby, something which had never been done on television before.  Blue Peter was praised for this by the National Childbirth Trust who told the BBC that in ‘five minutes, Blue Peter had done more to educate children about birth than they’d achieved in ten years of sending out leaflets’.  Wenner decided to leave along with Heath on 23 June 1980.

Sarah Greene and Peter Duncan both joined in 1980, and a new producer, Lewis Bronze, joined in 1982.  The 1980s saw the Blue Peter studio become more colourful and bright, with the presenters gradually wearing more fashionable outfits, in contrast to the more formal appearance of previous decades.  Several videos of Blue Peter were made available from 1982, the first being Blue Peter Makes, and an omnibus comprising the two weekly editions appeared in 1986 on Sunday mornings.  Ahead of the show’s 25th anniversary in October 1983, BBC1 ran a series Blue Peter Goes Silver, revisiting previous summer expeditions.  The 25th anniversary itself was commemorated by a documentary presented by Valerie Singleton shown on BBC1 on Sunday, 16 October 1983.  This was followed the next day by a special edition of the programme when Christopher Trace presented the annual Outstanding Endeavour Award and Valerie Singleton, Peter Purves, Christopher Wenner, Tina Heath and Sarah Greene returned to celebrate the show’s birthday with the current presenting trio of Simon Groom, Peter Duncan and Janet Ellis who launched a national balloon treasure hunt.  On 27 June 1988, Baxter took part in her final show, after nearly 26 years of involvement, and Bronze took her place as editor.  Around this time, Blue Peter became distinctively environmentally aware and introduced a green badge in November 1988 for achievements related to the environment.  Shortly before, in October 1988, the show celebrated its thirtieth anniversary with a competition to design the cover of a commemorative issue of the ‘Radio Times’ and Valerie Singleton presented the Outstanding Endeavour Award on the birthday show itself.  The following year, the award was presented for the last time.

On 13 September 1984, Champion trampolinist and professional performer Michael Sundin presented for the first time, as a replacement for Peter Duncan.  He had been talent-spotted by the Blue Peter team when they filmed an item on the set of “Return to OZ” (Sundin was playing the part of Tik-Tok.)  After 77 appearances as a Blue Peter presenter, his contract was not renewed.  It has since been explained by Biddy Baxter, that he attracted complaints from viewers, stating in her Autobiography that homophobia was not the reason for his departure, “he came across as a whinger….and an effeminate whinger to boot”, “… it was nothing to do with his sexual proclivities”.  Sundin successfully continued his performing career but lost his life to an AIDS-related illness in 1989.

In 1989 (and again in 1992 and 1994), new arrangements of the theme tune were introduced.  Due to falling ratings in BBC children’s programming, BBC1 controller Alan Yentob suggested airing a third edition of Blue Peter each week from 1995.  This meant that it was sometimes pre-recorded; Joe Godwin, the director, suggested that the Friday edition should be a lighter version of Blue Peter, which would concentrate on music, celebrities and games.  Helen Lederer presented a documentary on BBC2 to celebrate the show’s 35th anniversary Here’s One I Made Earlier, with a special edition of the regular programme featuring the returns of Leila Williams, John Noakes and Lesley Judd amongst many other presenters. Neither Noakes nor Judd had appeared in the studio since leaving the programme and Williams was returning for the first time in 15 years.  A fourth presenter, Katy Hill, was introduced in 1995, but unlike earlier decades, there was little stability in the line-up, with resignations and new additions made almost every year of the decade.  The 1990s also saw many more live broadcasts on location, with many shot entirely away from the studio.  Blue Peter was also one of the first television series to launch a website.  Oliver Macfarlane replaced Bronze as editor in 1996.

1998 marked the 40th anniversary of the TV show.  Apart from two summer proms concerts, the most talked about event to celebrate the milestone was a trip behind LNER Peppercorn Class A2 60532 Blue Peter on an Edinburgh to London rail tour.  The special train in question was Days out Limited’s “Heart of Midlothian” from London Kings Cross to Edinburgh Waverley on Sun 19 April 1998, with 60532 working the train from Edinburgh.  Due to safety rules, none of the presenters was supposed to ride onboard the footplate during the trip.  Peter Kirk, who was in charge onboard the train and who was presenting from the footplate, however, allowed Stuart Miles to travel onboard the footplate between Newark-on-Trent and Peterborough.  This was the stretch of track which, on 3 July 1938, saw the world speed record for steam locomotives of 126 mph (203 km/h) set by LNER A4 Locomotive no. 4468 Mallard.

In October 1998, Richard Bacon was sacked, following reports in News of the World that he had taken cocaine.  This incident followed shortly after the show’s 40th anniversary when previous presenters returned for a special programme.  Those returning included Leila Williams, Valerie Singleton, John Noakes, Peter Purves, Diane Louise Jordan, Anthea Turner, John Leslie, Tim Vincent, Yvette Fielding, Caron Keating, Mark Curry, Janet Ellis, Peter Duncan, Sarah Greene, Tina Heath, Simon Groom and Christopher Wenner.  Steve Hocking then replaced Macfarlane as editor, at what was regarded as a difficult period for the programme.  He introduced a further re-arrangement of the theme tune and a new graphics package in September 1999.

2000 – 2010

The 2000s began with the opening of two previously buried time capsules.  Former presenters including Singleton, Purves and Noakes were invited back to assist, and the programme also looked at life in the 1970s when the first capsule was buried.  With Hill’s departure and replacement by Liz Barker in 2000, the new team of herself, Konnie Huq, Simon Thomas, and Matt Baker were consistent for the next few years.  The Friday edition, as in the previous decade, featured games, competitions and celebrities, but additionally, there was a drama series, The Quest, which featured cameos of many former presenters.

It was at this time that the new Head of the BBC Children’s Department, Nigel Pickard, asked for Blue Peter to be broadcast all year round.  This was achieved by having two editions per week instead of three during the summer months and using pre-recorded material.  The early 2000s also introduced Christmas productions, in which the presenters took part.  In 2003, Richard Marson became the new editor, and his first tasks included changing the output of Blue Peter on the digital CBBC.  The first year of the channel’s launch consisted of repeated editions, plus spin-off series Blue Peter Unleashed and Blue Peter Flies the World.  This new arrangement involved a complex schedule of live programmes and pre-recorded material, being broadcast on BBC One and CBBC. Marson also introduced a brand new set, graphics and music.

In September 2007, a new editor, Tim Levell, took over.  At the same time, budget cuts meant that the programme came from a smaller studio.  In February 2008 the BBC One programme was moved from 5 pm to 4.35 pm to accommodate The Weakest Link, and as a result, Blue Peters ratings initially dropped to as low as 100,000 viewers in the age 6–12 bracket, before steadily improving.

As with the previous decade, numerous presenters joined and left the programme.  This included the exits of Thomas, Baker and Barker and the additions of Zöe Salmon, Gethin Jones and Andy Akinwolere.  Early 2008 saw the departure of Huq, who had become the longest-serving female presenter with over ten years on the show.  Later that year, Salmon and Jones both left and the presenting team of Akinwolere with new additions Helen Skelton and Joel Defries was introduced.

On 16 October 2008, Blue Peter celebrated its 50th Anniversary with a reception at Buckingham Palace hosted by Queen Elizabeth II and featuring several former presenters.  There was a special live edition of the show broadcast to celebrate the anniversary with many returning presenters and a 60-minute documentary on BBC1 featuring interviews with many previous presenters and production staff, including Edward Barnes, Biddy Baxter and Rosemary Gill.

Writing in the BBC’s in-house magazine, Ariel, in 2009, BBC Children’s Controller Richard Deverell announced plans to re-invent the show to be more like the BBC’s motoring programme Top Gear.  Deverell hopes that by adding “danger and excitement”, Blue Peter will achieve the same “playground buzz” among children as Top Gear.

2011 – 2017

In January 2011 Barney Harwood was introduced to the programme as a replacement for Defries, who had departed in late 2010 after two years.  Unusually, Harwood was no stranger to Blue Peter viewers, having appeared as a presenter on CBBC for many years, on shows including Prank Patrol and Bear Behaving Badly.

On 29 March 2011 Blue Peter became the first programme in the UK to broadcast an entire show in 360 degrees on the web.  Viewers were able to watch the programme via their TVs and simultaneously interact with the television studio in front of and behind the cameras on the website.   Viewers were also challenged to play a game where they had to find particular crew members and staff dressed up in distinctive costumes.

The final edition of Blue Peter to broadcast from the BBC’s Television Centre in London was broadcast on 28 June 2011, before a move to the BBC’s new facilities at Dock10, MediaCityUK.  The set left behind at BBC Television Centre was subsequently purchased and installed at Sunderland University’s David Puttnam Media Centre in August 2013.

When the new series started on 26 September 2011, after the usual summer break, Harwood and Skelton revealed the new look Blue Peter studio along with the new music and title sequence.  Departed presenter Andy Akinwolere was not initially replaced, and for the first time in 50 years, only two presenters remained on the programme.  The new Blue Peter Garden, located outside the studios, was officially opened by Princess Anne in February 2012.

From 12 January 2012, Blue Peter has been broadcast all year round (with no break for summer) once a week, its original premiere being on CBBC on Thursdays at 5.45 pm, changed to 5.30 pm from April 2013 then 5:00 pm from March 2015.  It was usually repeated on Fridays on BBC One, although this ceased in December 2012.  A repeat airs at 9.00 am on Sundays. At this time, Levell left to work at BBC Radio 5 Live; he was replaced (initially in an acting capacity) as editor by Ewan Vinnicombe, who had worked on the programme as a producer since 2007.  The reformatted Blue Peter occasionally also included specials and spin-offs such as “Helen’s Polar Adventure” or the Stargazing Live special on other days of the week.

In 2013 Lindsey Russell was voted the 36th presenter via Blue Peter – You Decide!, a series of five programmes hosted by Dick and Dom, where ten aspiring presenters were set a number of challenges to prove that they were worthy of the position.  Judges Cel Spellman, Eamonn Holmes and Myleene Klass decided the final three before viewers were given the chance to vote online.  Russell joined Blue Peter in September of that year, shortly before Skelton’s departure and the introduction of her replacement Radzi Chinyanganya.

From October 2013, the team consisted of Harwood, Russell and Chinyanganya.  The format adapted with slightly different branding and a more classic take on the show, as well as beginning Blue Peter Bites, which are five-minute clips showing just one challenge or video from episodes broadcast on CBBC.  Blue Peter guide pup Iggy joined the team in 2014 and Shelley the Tortoise continues to make occasional appearances.  The Blue Peter Garden is currently maintained by child gardener George who appears throughout the year.  The team made more use of the website with more quizzes and videos such as ‘Blue Peter VS…’ and ‘Ultimate Challenges’ as well as holding a fan club hour after the show where fans could leave comments as to the answers of riddles or headline suggestions and ask guests questions.  A popular game on the programme, Spot Shelley was also introduced, where, in most episodes, an animated version of Shelley the tortoise is hiding somewhere/on something and viewers must leave a comment on the website during the show, the first person to spot her wins a shout-out (or some more expensive or weird prizes as Harwood would often joke, such as a house in Spain or a unicorn called Eric).  From April 2017, the show reverted to 5:30 pm.  In September 2017, Harwood left the show, again leaving just two presenters.

In the summerBlue Peter often challenges its viewers to earn all of their Blue Peter badges (with the exception of orange and gold) through five weeks, where the team look at each individual badge for a week, finishing with the limited time Sports badge which appears every summer with a different design.  In the show before these weeks, the team show viewers how to make something to keep their badges in/on and continue the theme through the weeks, these have included the Badge Baton Relay in 2016, where badges stored within a baton tube and the Big Badge Boat Bonanza in 2017, where badges displayed on the iconic BP ship, a 2D model that can be made from paper.

Ahead of their Jubilee celebrations, Blue Peter introduced its first-ever Guest Editor to the show on 19 October 2017 which was children’s author Dame Jacqueline Wilson.  Guest Editors have control for the day and plan what they what to show on their edition, as well as taking control behind the scenes.

2018 – Present

A special programme broadcast on 1 February 2018, marked Blue Peter’s 5000th edition.  A brand new Diamond badge was revealed for the first time, designed by Henry Holland.  This was only to be awarded within the special 60th year of 2018.

On 12 October 2017, it was revealed that outside of MediaCityUK, a Hollywood style walk of fame would be created with the names of famous people who have received a Gold Blue Peter badge.  The walkway would lead up to the front of the studios and would help to mark 60 years of Blue Peter.

There were various celebrations across the UK for “The Big Birthday Year”.  In January, a competition was launched to design Blue Peters second birthday balloon to be flown.  In May, the Millennium Time Capsule formally buried under the Millennium Dome, which was dug up accidentally in 2017 by builders went on tour with various past presenters around the country.  A play, “Once Seen On Blue Peter”, ran at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in August, with six former presenters appearing in it.

On 16 October 2018, a special one-hour live edition of the programme, entitled Blue Peter: Big 60th Birthday, was broadcast on CBBC.  Guests included The Vamps, Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Ed Sheeran, who was presented with a gold Blue Peter badge.  Former presenters returned for the show and contributed to the broadcast, including Leila Williams, Anita West, Valerie Singleton, Peter Purves, Lesley Judd, Sarah Greene, Peter Duncan, Janet Ellis, Yvette Fielding, John Leslie, Diane-Louise Jordan, Anthea Turner, Tim Vincent, Stuart Miles, Katy Hill, Romana D’Annunzio, Richard Bacon, Konnie Huq, Simon Thomas, Liz Barker, Zöe Salmon, Andy Akinwolere, Helen Skelton, Joel Defries and Barney Harwood.  Matt Baker contributed a pre-recorded message and Mark Curry was represented by a lego model as he had to cancel his contribution due to ill health.  The programme was repeated on BBC Two on 20 October.  The celebration was also marked by other BBC programming, including The One Show hosted by Matt Baker and former Blue Peter contributor Gabby Logan, which featured Sarah Greene, Mark Curry, Simon Thomas and Konnie Huq; ITV’s Lorraine, where Greene appeared with Leila Williams and Anthea Turner; and BBC Breakfast which featured Lesley Judd.  A documentary entitled Happy Birthday Blue Peter was broadcast that evening on BBC Radio 2.  It was hosted by Barney Harwood and featured interviews with past and present presenters, as well as members of the production team.  As part of the birthday celebrations, a new plant species was named “Blue Peter”.  In February 2019 a gritter was named and decorated “Blue Peter”, unveiled by Russell.

On 3 June 2021, the show received a refresh with a new logo, title sequence, music and studio.  This was the first major refresh since the show’s move to Salford in 2011.  The studio is environmentally-friendly and is composed of upcycled materials from past studios.

On 24 June 2021, Russell announced that she would be leaving the show, after eight years.  Her final show aired on 15 July 2021.

Read more about Blue Peter here.

The above articles were sourced from Wikipedia and are subject to change.

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Notes And Links

Max Rahubovskiy on Pexels –  The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of Max Rahubovskiy.  You can find more great work from the photographer Max by clicking the link above and you can get lots more free stock photos at Pexels.

Blue Peter – Official page on CBBC.  The image at top of this page is the copyright of BBC.

Contact Me

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If you have any queries, questions, suggestions etc. regarding any part of my website please feel free to contact me via frankparkerwebsite@gmail.com in your chosen email account.

Don’t forget to fill in the subject line as it helps me identify what your message is about quicker.  Thank you.

Links

Markus Winkler on Pexels – The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of Markus Winkler.  You can find more great work from the photographer Markus and lots more free stock photo’s at Pexels.  

Universal Classic Monsters

Image © of Universal Pictures via Wikipedia

Ever since I was little I have loved Universal classic monsters, for it is they that started my love of Horror off, even if they scared the hell out of me at first and I hid under my Mom’s arm or behind the settee at first watching them, ha ha.  That changed the older I got. 

When Halloween comes around you can be sure someone is wearing an Halloween costume that relates to one of the classic monsters mentioned below.

There will be more references to Universal Classic Monsters in the appropriate Decades sections and articles via the Horror index below.

Universal Classic Monsters

Universal Classic Monsters (also known as Universal Monsters and Universal Studios Monsters) is a media franchise based on a series of horror films primarily produced by Universal Pictures from the 1930s to the 1950s.  Although not initially conceived as a franchise, the enduring popularity and legacy of the films and the characters featured in them have led the studio to market them under the collective brand name of Universal Studios Monsters.  Steve Jones of USA Today described Universal’s most famous monsters as pop culture icons, specifically Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy and The Wolf Man.

Universal Pictures image from the Internet Archive via Wikipedia and is in the public domain

Bela Lugosi as Dracula.

This is a screenshot from the Internet Archive of the classic 1931 film Dracula.  You can see the trailer it came from here

Universal Pictures image via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Boris Karloff as The Mummy.

This is a screenshot from the Internet Archive of the classic 1932 film The Mummy.  You can see the trailer it came from here

Universal Pictures image via IMDb

Boris Karloff as Frankenstein’s Monster.

Directed by James Whale.

You can see the trailer for the classic Frankenstein film from 1931 via The Internet Archive here.

Universal Pictures image via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Lon Chaney Jnr. as The Wolf Man.

This promotional photo is from the classic1941 film The Wolf Man.

You can see the trailer for The Wolf Man via The Internet Archive here.

See more photos and relevant information further down below.

Universal Monsters Films 

For an extensive list of Universal Monsters Films click here.

Universal Monsters Films Free To Watch

Below are just some of the great Universal Monsters films for you to enjoy.

They are not all classic films to me but if I have watched one and I think it is I will say so.

The Phantom Of The Opera 1925 Silent Film In Full

Watch the classic 1925 silent film The Phantom Of The Opera starring Lon Chaney via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this classic film further down at the top of the page.

Dracula 1931 In Full

Watch the classic 1931 film Dracula starring Bela Lugosi via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

Frankenstein 1931 In Full

Watch the classic 1931 film Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

The Mummy 1932 In Full

Watch the classic 1932 film The Mummy starring Boris Karloff via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

The Invisible Man 1933 In Full

Watch the classic 1933 film The Invisible Man starring Claude Rains via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this classic film further down at the bottom of the page.

The Bride Of Frankenstein 1935 In Full

Watch the 1935 film The Bride Of Frankenstein starring Boris Karloff via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this film further down at the bottom of the page.

Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man 1942 In Full

Watch the 1942 film Frankenstein Meets The Wolf Man starring Boris Karloff and Lon Chaney Jnr via The Internet Archive here.

See information about this film further down at the bottom of the page.

Universal Classic Monsters Home Video 

Image © of Universal Pictures via Wikipedia

Universal Classic Monsters logo.

This is the official franchise logo as displayed on home video releases

Louis Feola was the head of Worldwide Home Video for Universal Studios and said in 1999 that “a couple of years ago” he decided to “reinvigorate and re-market” Universal’s Classic Monsters catalogue which included the series Dracula, Frankenstein, The Invisible Man, The Phantom of the Opera, The Wolf Man, and The Mummy.  In 1992, in an interview with Billboard, Feola stated that to market and sell home video, the most important thing was the packaging of their sales which was “probably our single biggest priority and has been for a number of years”, and that it was key to make the series of films “look like a line”.

In 1995, MCA/Universal released a collection of the film on home video under the title The Universal Studios Monsters Classic Collection.  This series included Frankenstein, Dracula, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, and The Creature From the Black Lagoon series.  A collection of stamps featuring Universal Classic Monsters was also released in September 1997 titled the Universal Classic Movie Monsters series.  Other characters included in the series included the Mummy and Frankenstein’s monster, both played by Boris Karloff), the Phantom of the Opera played by Lon Chaney and the Wolf Man played by Lon Chaney Jnr.

Universal Classic Monsters Merchandising

After the Universal horror films were syndicated to television, this led to a rise in the popularity of merchandise based on Frankenstein’s monster and Dracula.  Throughout the 1960s and into the 1970s, the Universal monsters were promoted via merchandising which included: Halloween costumes, Aurora model kits, paperback novelizations, makeup how-to manuals, T-shirt iron-ons, posters, trading cards, and more.  Since 1991, Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Parks & Resorts have featured characters from the Universal Classic Monsters franchise.  From 2006 to 2014, the characters also appeared in the year-round walk-through attraction, Universal’s House of Horrors, at Universal Studios Hollywood.  The franchise is also the central theme of Universal’s Horror Make-Up Show.  The live show opened in 1990 at Universal Studios Florida and is still in operation.  Merchandising of the characters in formats such as clothing and board games has continued into the 21st century.

Universal Monsters Comics

Dark Horse Comics

You can read more about Dark Horse Comics here

Dark Horse Comics released comic adaptions of several of the films, featuring four one-shots and one collected edition, in 1993 and 2006, respectively.  

You can see which comics Dark Horse Comics produced here.

Skybound Entertainment 

You can read more about Skybound Entertainment here.

Skybound Entertainment, an Image Comics company, will publish a new series of Universal Monsters comic books.

You can read more about Image Comics here.

You can see which comics Skybound Entertainment produced here.

Universal Monsters Photos

Below are just some of the great Universal Monsters films photos for you to enjoy.  They are not all classic films to me but if I have watched one and I  think it is I will say so.

Universal Pictures image via IMDb

Lon Chaney as The Phantom Of The Opera.

This photo is from the classic 1925 silent film The Phantom Of The Opera.  

You can see the trailer for The Phantom Of The Opera via the Internet Archive here.

Universal Pictures image by unknown via Wikipedia and is the public domain

The Phantom Of The Opera 1925 film poster.

Universal Pictures image by unknown via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Dracula 1931 film poster.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

Universal Pictures image by Karoly Grosz via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Frankenstein 1931 film poster.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

Image © Universal via Universal Studios and Trick Or Treat Studios
Image © Universal via Universal Studios and Trick Or Treat Studios
Image © Universal via Universal Studios and Trick Or Treat Studios

The EXCELLENT Frankenstein mask from Trick Or Treat Studios.

This is a very cool Universal Classic Monsters mask I purchased for Halloween 2023.  It is officially licenced by Universal Studios and made for Trick Or Treat StudiosIt is, to date, the favourite mask I have in my mask collection and what I have worn for Halloween parties.  To see me in this and many more masks click here.

Universal Pictures image by Karoly Grosz via Wikipedia and is the public domain

The Mummy 1932 film poster.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

Universal Pictures image via IMDb

Claude Rains as The Invisible Man.

This photo is from the classic 1933 film The Invisible Man

Directed by James Whale.

You can see the trailer for The Invisible Man via YouTube here.

Universal Pictures image by Karoly Grosz via Wikipedia and is the public domain

The Invisible Man 1933 film poster.

Universal Pictures image via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Boris Karloff as Frankenstein’s Monster.

This promotional photo is from the 1935 film The Bride of Frankenstein.

Directed by James Whale.

You can see the trailer for The Bride Of Frankenstein via the Internet Archive here.

Universal Pictures image via Wikipedia and is the public domain
Image © of Universal Pictures via Wikipedia

The Wolf Man 1942 film poster.

See information about this classic film at the top of the page.

Universal Pictures image via IMDb

Nelson Eddy as The Phantom Of The Opera.

This photo is from the 1943 film Phantom Of The Opera

You can see the trailer for Phantom Of The Opera via YouTube here.

Universal Pictures via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Phantom Of The Opera 1943 film poster.

Universal Pictures via Wikipedia and is the public domain

Creature From The Black Lagoon 1945 film poster.

Universal Pictures via IMDb

Ben Chapman as The Creature From The Black Lagoon. 

There were two men playing the creature in the film, Ricou Browning in the water and Ben Chapman out of the water (shown here).  None of them were credited which was unfair in my opinion considering they were both playing the actual monster in the film title and for that reason, I have rightly acknowledged them both here.

This photo is from the 1954 film Creature From The Black Lagoon

You can see the trailer for Creature From The Black Lagoon via the Internet Archive here.

You can see references and sources to the above articles here.  The above was sourced from a page on Wikipedia and is subject to change. 

Blog Posts

Links

Universal Pictures – Official website.  The image shown at the top of this page, and elsewhere, of the Universal Classic Monsters logo is the copyright of Universal Pictures and was taken from Wikipedia.

The image above of Bela Lugosi as Dracula is from the Internet Archive via Wikipedia and is in the public domain.

The image above of Boris Karloff as The Mummy is from the Internet Archive via Wikipedia and is in the public domain.

The image above of Boris Karloff as Frankenstein’s Monster is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of Lon Chaney Jnr. as The Wolf Man is via Wikipedia.

The image above of Lon Chaney as The Phantom Of The Opera is via IMDb.

The image above of  The Phantom Of The Opera 1925 film poster by unknown is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of the Dracula 1931 film poster by unknown is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of the Frankenstein 1931 film poster by Karoly Grosz is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The Frankenstein mask photos above are copyright of Universal via Universal Studios and Trick Or Treat Studios.

The image above of The Mummy 1932 film poster by Karoly Grosz is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of Claude Rains as The Invisible Man is from IMDb.

The image above of The Invisible Man 1933 film poster by Karoly Grosz is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of Frankenstein’s monster is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of The Bride Of Frankenstein 1935 film poster is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

The image above of The Wolf Man 1942 film poster by unknown is via Wikipedia.

The image above of Nelson Eddy as The Phantom Of The Opera is via IMDb.

The image above of Phantom Of The Opera 1943 film poster by inknown is via Wikipedia and in the public domain.

IMDb on Facebook.

IMDb on Twitter.

IMDb on YouTube.

Universal Pictures – U.K. official website.

Universal Pictures on YouTube.

Universal Pictures on Facebook.

Universal Pictures on Twitter.

Universal Studios – Official website.

Universal Studios on YouTube.

Universal Studios on Facebook.

Universal Studios on Twitter.

Trick Or Treat Studios – Official website.

Trick Or Treat Studios on YouTube.

Trick Or Treat Studios on Facebook.

Trick Or Treat Studios on Twitter.

Trick Or Treat Studios on Instagram.

Trick Or Treat Studios on TikTok.

Wikipedia – Official website.  Wikipedia is a free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit in good faith. Its purpose is to benefit readers by containing information on all branches of knowledge.  Hosted by the Wikimedia Foundation, it consists of freely editable content, whose articles also have numerous links to guide readers to more information. 

Miniclip

Image © of Miniclip via NicePNG

Miniclip is well known for online games on the internet and there is plenty of variety to play.  On Miniclip you can play games to compile games statistics such as high scores, and rankings on your own player page and can receive awards for playing games. 

You will find lots of great Android games to download here.

You will find lots of great iPhone games to download here.

You will find lots more great games to play online here.

About Miniclip 

Miniclip is a Swiss free browser game website.  Launched in 2001, it is the world’s largest privately owned online gaming website.  It was started in 2001 by Robert Small and Tihan Presbie on a budget of £40,000 and quickly grew.  As of 2008, the company has been valued at over £275 million, having been profitable for six of its first seven years, with turnovers exceeding £20 million from 2006–2008 alone.

In 2015, Tencent acquired the majority stakes of Miniclip.

In December 2016, Miniclip crossed 1 billion downloads across its mobile games on iOS, Android and Windows devices, with more than 350 million downloads in the past 12 months.

Miniclip Mobile Games

Miniclip has many mobile games that are available for iOS, Android, Symbian and Windows Phone, such as 8 Ball Pool, Golf Battle, Gravity Guy, Bloons Tower Defense, Plague Inc. for android, Berry Rush, Agar.io, Diep.io, Mini Militia, Ludo Party, among many other app games.

Miniclip Xbox Games For Windows 8

In September 2012, Microsoft announced on the Windows team blog dated 31 August 2012 that Miniclip games will be able to distribute their games on the Xbox division of Windows 8.  Miniclip games that are supported by Xbox for Windows 8 include Gravity Guy, iStunt 2, and Monster Island.  Gravity Guy was released on Windows Store on 29 November 2010.

In April 2013, most of the Miniclip games for Windows 8 and Windows Phone were distributed for free for one year.

Miniclip Games For Xbox One, PC, And PS4

On 14 February 2017, Miniclip released their first game which can be played on Xbox One, PC, and PlayStation 4, called MX Nitro.

Read more about Miniclip here

The above articles and Doctor’s images were sourced from Wikipedia and are subject to change.

Blog Posts

Links

Miniclip – Official website.  The image shown at the top of this page is the copyright of Miniclip and is on NicePNG.  

Miniclip Games Index

Banana Mania